Friday, May 27, 2011

I'm Not Settling

 “There is only one real sin and that is to convince yourself that second best is anything but second best.” – Doirs Lessing

This week have been grappling with the idea of settling.  People my age are all either married or preparing to walk down the aisle and in their matrimonial happiness have decided this is the most appropriate time to discuss my standards in the opposite sex.  So, being the good friend I am, I have taken their advice under consideration. 

You see, my friends concern is that my standards are too high, that there is no way there is a human on the planet who can live up to them.  On the surface, when one looks at my qualifications for spending the rest of my life tide to another (that includes their good and bad, their smart and stupid decisions) one might tend to agree with them.  After all, the chances that a man has the same faith and education level is hard enough, but into this the fact that I want to be physically attracted to him, that he makes me laugh, and challenges me to be better tomorrow than I am today…well, the evidence speaks for itself. 

Then I came across this quote by Doris Lessing and the more rational side of my head staeted speaking up.  There are billions of people on this earth, billions!  People find their spouses well into their 60s.  While I do hope to find mine before my libido ceases to work, I am encouraged with each of my friends weddings.  It may be that I don’t meet Mr. Right right now, but I have hope that I will. 

You see, I don’t want to settle.  Why would I?  I know what does not work, so why waste time?  If it is not going to work out, why take a date with someone?  Settling only leads to people thinking they are better than their partner.  Don’t fool yourself for one minuet that will come to bite you later when pride begins to destroy the relationship.  It leads to dissatisfaction with yourself and your partner.  Settling is nothing more than taking second best out of desperation and discouragement.  Neither of which I think are helpful in any way, shape, or form. 

So, next time you find yourself considering the possibility of taking a quite jog down the path of second best, remind yourself that you are uniquely and wonderfully made.  You have incredible qualities that create something genuine and extraordinary in this world.  If you are so special, shouldn’t your partner be as well?  


  1. You are right!I wish I could call myself a happy single right now, but I can't. I am in a place in my life where I have always dreaded to be. However, its single friends like you that reminds me there is hope and that I am not alone in this struggle not to settle. So thank you for being that friend:)

  2. I love reading this! You have an incredible way with words. Very well said.