Friday, May 27, 2011
“There is only one real sin and that is to convince yourself that second best is anything but second best.” – Doirs Lessing
This week have been grappling with the idea of settling. People my age are all either married or preparing to walk down the aisle and in their matrimonial happiness have decided this is the most appropriate time to discuss my standards in the opposite sex. So, being the good friend I am, I have taken their advice under consideration.
You see, my friends concern is that my standards are too high, that there is no way there is a human on the planet who can live up to them. On the surface, when one looks at my qualifications for spending the rest of my life tide to another (that includes their good and bad, their smart and stupid decisions) one might tend to agree with them. After all, the chances that a man has the same faith and education level is hard enough, but into this the fact that I want to be physically attracted to him, that he makes me laugh, and challenges me to be better tomorrow than I am today…well, the evidence speaks for itself.
Then I came across this quote by Doris Lessing and the more rational side of my head staeted speaking up. There are billions of people on this earth, billions! People find their spouses well into their 60s. While I do hope to find mine before my libido ceases to work, I am encouraged with each of my friends weddings. It may be that I don’t meet Mr. Right right now, but I have hope that I will.
You see, I don’t want to settle. Why would I? I know what does not work, so why waste time? If it is not going to work out, why take a date with someone? Settling only leads to people thinking they are better than their partner. Don’t fool yourself for one minuet that will come to bite you later when pride begins to destroy the relationship. It leads to dissatisfaction with yourself and your partner. Settling is nothing more than taking second best out of desperation and discouragement. Neither of which I think are helpful in any way, shape, or form.
So, next time you find yourself considering the possibility of taking a quite jog down the path of second best, remind yourself that you are uniquely and wonderfully made. You have incredible qualities that create something genuine and extraordinary in this world. If you are so special, shouldn’t your partner be as well?
Friday, May 20, 2011
Being busy doesn’t necessarily mean being productive.
Or, at least that is what I have been learning in this past year. Here is hoping the lesson sticks. But, this may be moving too fast. Let me introduce myself.
I graduated with my masters of arts in the art of double speak and bull sh**. That is what we call, political science. The intention was to go on and do something amazing in the world, like be the first woman president or start an organization that ends human trafficking. However, I learned that politics is just a way to waste time when decisions actually need to be made. So, currently, I work for an orthopedic surgeon…something I don’t enjoy but at least it pays the bills.
I also was engaged for four years…yes, I said four. And now have been single for almost three. In these past three years I have learned to hate men and what they do and stand for, but then came full circle to realize how amazing they can be as friends, brothers, and just all around good guys. So, for those of you hoping this will be a blog from a radical feminist, sorry to disappoint.
So, being busy does not mean being productive.
I have learned that single people like to keep themselves busy so as not to appear desperate and lonely to the outside world. Well, I can say in my experience, that idea about life only hurts you and develops feelings of insecurity more. When those lights go out at night and all you have to show for it is the eight hours you spent at a dead end job you do not like and the excuses of work that came home with you, you are still alone. What is worse, you are purposeless.
Life is about relationship, not tasks. It is about the give and take, the laughs, the cries, sometimes the hurting, and often the healing. If you pour yourself into the things this world values (career) you limit your potential at finding and developing great friends and family relations. Life is not about the job, but who you go home to when it is over. Life is about sharing who you are, letting some walls down, and being willing to take risks.
So, if you truly want to be productive, how about taking the next five minuets and call that friend or sibling who you miss and have not talked to in awhile. Or maybe, invite someone out for a soft serve ice cream and walk on the beach. Don’t wait for others to ask, take a chance. Develop relationships – not obligations.
And that is life according to this happy single.